A quick stop at Sonic today was a treat - Banana Caramel Shake, Large Diet Coke. Oh, since they didn't have bananas, did I want to wait 10 minutes for them to arrive? Um, no. Vanilla Caramel instead.
Then I heard a voice so vile and ugly, I shuddered. A car had pulled into the next stall and it was packed with people. Sedan. Packed. Their windows were down. My windows were down. The woman in the passenger seat kept shouting and I could not understand anything she said. They were all shouting at each other. I thought to myself, "I have to share space with these people on earth?" Yes, that happened in my mind. Should I roll up the window? No, I could probably still hear them. Should I try to understand their conversation? I don't want to. Oh, no, I want to. But what are they saying? It's Sonic. What needs to be yelled at Sonic? I looked over at the car and could only see the person with the vile, ugly voice. She looked like she hadn't bathed in a long time. There was no grooming or personal hygiene involved. Her behavior defied social norms. She was probably a few years older than me. I kept trying to understand her. It was impossible. Was she toothless? Was she mentally impaired? What was wrong with this woman that interrupted my Sonic solitude?
Nothing was wrong with her. Everything was wrong with me. Just because I didn't like someone's voice, I became the vile, ugly person. Not her. I am allowed to think such things, but I didn't like myself today after that moment.
Everyday, I try to share love with the world around me. I'm not a master at it. I don't get it right all the time. Today, I did not get it right inside my head. I did not love this person. I hurt myself and it did not feel good. I want to get it right next time.