Thursday, January 28, 2016

Up the Hill & Down the Hill

My daughter and I love to tell the story of Mr. Wiggle and Mr. Waggle - a fingerplay/vocal exploration story. The story explores highs and lows in the speaking voice to describe travel to and from each other's houses. 

This week has been a bit of low with a new wrinkle in our journey. Today, I just wanted to lay in bed all day and hide under the covers. With a 4 yr old who has not learned how to work the remote controls of the tv - that is next to impossible. I did get some sleep, but how do you explain these feelings to a child? "Momma has a headache because my eyes hurt."  Yes, I speak in 3rd person and don't know why.

Here's what we are dealing with - ME. I messed up. No good excuse for the whole ordeal, but it got too big for me. So big, I had to stop it. I brought it to a screeching halt. I just could not live with myself any longer.  I was dying inside and had been for a long time, but God had been hammering me with conviction for over a year. The thing had to stop. I had to repent. I had to sacrifice parts of my life that were so important to me that I lost sight of the rest. My husband and I laid ourselves at the foot of cross, broken by our transgressions, exhausted from the weight, and asked God to forgive our sins. Immediately, the burden was lifted and the healing began. 

But today, I wanted to bury my head in the sand. Tomorrow will be different.

Now, four months later, I just want the whole thing to be over. It is not. I sense that the worst is yet to come. Hopefully, that anticipation is wrong. There are hurdles that remain in the path. 

God, in His infinite glory, will see us through. God has not promised to protect us FROM suffering, He has promised to protect us IN our suffering. 

Protect us now, Almighty God. Keep our hearts looking to you, our minds focused on things above, and our eyes......let us see you clearly when there are hurdles to clear.   

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